Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
