I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
