im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
did you just send me my own nude
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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