i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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