While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
