He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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