Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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