Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
