My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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