Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
