We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
