I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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