I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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