Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
