her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
