You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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