my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
