my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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