I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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