I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize