matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
