toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i drank out of a bidet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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