remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
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nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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