You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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