Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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