Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
True strength comes from lack of pants
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