I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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