HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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