Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
