# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
