He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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