I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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