I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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