If that was your dad, he is hot
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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