i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
