Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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