It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
