she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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