I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
someone owes me an orgasm
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
