Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
