Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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