peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
