Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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