I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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