jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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