i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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