We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
