I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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