Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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