Already got asked if we're dating
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize