Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
