I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
