You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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