If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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