i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
