I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
