swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
