Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
