i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
