happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
