I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Threesome in a minivan. New low
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
