I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
