When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
