This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
