wrigley field is MILF paradise
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
