He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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