I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
