This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
